One little consideration of mine. Nothing more.

Triangles.

Triangles are perfection without compromises.

They're small and at the same time they can be big too, they are frail or they are stable... and every single charasteristic only depends on prospectives, our prospectives and personal tastes.

If i wanted to, I could also admit they are all the same, but each one is different from another too for each one of us, just lookers.

And at the one time, same and different for each of us are also ideals and expectations. Cause life is one and we all want to live it, for sure in different ways, but still live it.

The triangle is shape of unconditioned stability.

And it's at the same time, once again, unstable balance.

It is the compromise between the sure things at the present and the sure uncertainty of the future.

Believe it or not, in this place that every day is getting to be little by little mine, I'm discovering that there's no such shape as the triangle to translate my feelings and everything that borns every day in my mind with the sun in this new life.

No such shape to translate my thoughts here oversee, without handholds to grab on, being alone and lost like a firefly in the night.

Let me explain what I mean.

The Surface Area is the throbbing nucleus of everything, the matter, our existence.

Without a heart we'd be nothing, just dust, both anatomically and spiritually, and time shouldn't even pass for us. We'd be just an undefined ideawhich has no reason to be.

The heart, not by chance, is situated oin the deepest part of our chest, hidden and shielded as if it didn't want to be too vulnerable.

Nature is definitely incredible, She knows better than anyone else the pain that can be felt because of occurences to face, and She knows perfectly the hurtful stab felt in the chest when a surplus word is said and thrown to disrupt balance... For this reason the nucleus, our area, our heart, is set such in a deep part of us, this hidden and this protected.

The Perimeter is the extension of our history and the chain of events that make us US, and as in the triangle, it gives limits to our life and thet way we live. Everything that happens makes us grow and makes us up, whether is good or bad. Our history on this planet writes itself word after word, line after line, point after point, as also does the triangle's perimeter and its sides.

Everything that happens and surrounds us, then, happens because of circumstances, and circumstances are determined by who we are and by the triangle's verteces, which means the actual peaks that makes us ourselves and no one else.

The highest apices of our lives...?

Family, Friends and Experiences.

Without verteces the triangle is denatured, and is transformed in just three straight lines set close by but with no apparent sense, and we get to be just the same, beings with no reason to be.

Without Family we have no roots and no route to follow, not even a map that shows all the possible routes to take to get to the destination, whatever the goal is. We don't have incentive and we don't have life, because Family is what gives you life and never stops from making it better.

When there's no family, there's no ability to be ourselves. When we're not ourselves we cannot have Real Friends, and that's why I say that no Family means no Friends.

Without friends we have no laughing and afterthoughts, we don't have a sincere person to express our fears to, out of the sphere of comprehension because "that is the way it's supposed to be". Without friends we don't have any complete Happiness, and without friends, more than all, we don't even have Experiences, because friends are the only people we want to have experiences and fun with, and it's because friends are the ones we want to try, fall, laugh, get up, make mistakes and dream with.

Without experiences we are no one, we're just a tiny balloon at the mercy of the wind, that doesn't care about height or about the too sharp pinnacles which could make it pop in a second, just because it has no experience and doesn't know that its end is not that impossible and far away in time.

I know that comparing yourself to a triangle is not a common thing, especially if you are on the other side of the world and people don't really know what's going on and are waiting for you to give them news and write down to keep track of your life in the Land of Freedom.

I also know that I haven't been writing for a while on this blog, but when it comes to a time when the heart is the owner and the leader of all your actions, even thinking, you can't do much. In those moments everything stops and the mind can't do anything but follow what the hearts promises is the best choice.

This month of complete silence has helped me finding myself, and finally Being it too.

For whoever wants to leave, go away and take his own route...

For you, if you're reading this post it's because you care about me and want to know more about my feelings... and here I come.

Get ready to fill your pockets with those little sheets of paper you used to receive at the elementary school telling you that someone liked you.

Fill them with crumpled old photos.

Fill them with cinema tickets and birthday cards.

Fill them with those always hated but everywhere found red coins, which appear to have no value, but have travelled more than you can even imagine.

Fill them with the smiles only grandma and grandpa are capable of giving you.

Fill them with all of your mistakes, and over them, lay all the lessons you've learnt.

Get ready to bring this and much more in your pockets, because you'll need it, more than ever before.

It will make you feel at home, even if the only place you will ever call home, is only HOME.

Just one more thing... leave that small pocket inside the jacket empty, that one little pocket that no one ever uses. You will really need this, not for the departure from home, but for the departure from the place you spent time in, because you will have to fill it with your strenght and with all the life you built in your new world, that you will finally want to call home, just in time you'll have to leave...

Come on! I did it, and I'm here, still here.

Veronica

Step by step

Step by step... everything starts with a step forward.

One step to the right, one to the left, one more, another one and then... a couple others, otherwise we lose balance and fall, and hurt ourselves.

Everything starts with movement and challenging ourselves to go on and reach what's too far from where we are...

We start tossing and turning in our cradle to get to our mom, making her understand that we need to smell her scent and feel her chest on our cheeks.

Then we move, roll, spin, slither, and finally crawl, feeling free and indipendent to discover a total new world, being able to reach that high drawer we've been wondering what it contained for so long, discovering there are only a book, a magazine and a couple flat batteries. We could have found everything in it, and still have fallen in love with such colorful, misterious and desired objects, just because they were so new and finally in our hands.

But nothing's better than what happens few weeks later... at last, those two chubby feet that have been facing the sky since two seconds ago, are now facing the ground, feeling the cold floor under their surface and the thrill of the further new change, we're growing!

Actually, if I think a little about it, the world can only be discovered and appreciated if we stand up and stretch, walking on tiptoes, and again, step after step, getting closer to our destination. And when you arrive there, don't sit down, look for another stage, a further one, a more challenging one, and start your journey all over again.

This is what I told myself before leaving to come here to the United States...

You're leaving your first stage, moving away from what you've been working on and building for all this time, now rise your head, look a little higher, march aiming at the next target, and show everyone that besides each difficulty, besides the cluster of clouds that will blur your goal and will tend to convince you to leave everything and turn back, you will be able to face them all, and go straight ahead on your way, without looking back your shoulders... and most importantly, never look down.

Now I'm here, I still have to walk a little on this route to get to the end, and I'm even closer to my first stage, the half of my stars and stripes story.

I oftimes look back, peruse all the steps I took, lots and lots of steps that lead me to be MYSELF.

We learn to live by growing up, and I can't say I've already grown up yet, but I can rather shout out loud that I look into and examine myself  from the outside... and yes, definitely, here I'm forced to become mature.

My growth is still in the process of development, but I'm more than sure that everything is happening in my life and experience is what is making me Adult, brick after brick.

Now more than ever my inner self wanders in a sea of uncertainty, but at the same time it knows what  is going on.

I know what I want, and I'm surprised I still don't know what I'm missing.

I have my whole dream realized, but at the same time I have nothing I expected. In fact, I have way more that I could have even thought I could have got.

I hold on in my hands each single moment that flies away, and as they fly away, I can't lose more time running after them, I can't afford wasting the steps I'm given to live, they'll finish, and I want to live them in the best way I can and I'm able to.

I know, it might sound a little awkward, it might look like I'm writing random sentences, with apparently no reason, but this is exactly what I'm feeling at this very moment. An infinite swirling of emotions and thoughts, which I oddly and finally managed to decode.

They're details.

They're all details.

Details of an history, details of a life fragment, details that form a whole, and usually make you feel way better.

I found tons of details, I put them in a drawer not to risk losing them, and sometimes I wrote them down on a piece of paper, to make sure they're chained to my bones and to stop the wind from blowing them away.

I collected every kind of details... details of happiness and sadness,  of melancholy, of absences and surprises, of hope, of revaluation, or better, more than A SINGLE revaluation, of second thoughts and  decisions taken trusting my gut, details of coming, going away, unexpected returnings and forgiveness.

I have details of cravings, necessities and denials.

I have laughs, weeps, joys and also some grief.

And I don't mind what this whole thing may involve, is involving or will involve. It could be something goos, as weel as something bad, but I still don't mind. I want to remember each single little thing, each moment, each detail, each step I take.

Furthermore,at this point I can't do anything but say thank you to all the people that have always been by my side.

Like my mom, who with a simple Good Morning every day and a "Good night sweetie" each night before falling asleep reminds me how empty her life is without me in her way.

Like my dad, who never calls or texts me because every time he hears from me, he starts to cry, and he wants to preserve all the tears he has for January, when the day we meet again to celebrate my 18th birthday will come and we will hug again.

Like my grandmas and my uncles and aunties, who stay off the grid not to stole time from this huge experience, but who would all at the same time crawl through glass to fly here every day, hug me and tell me they're by my side, whatever happens, and that they love my immensely.

Like my host-family, that is getting to be my Second official family, making me feel unique, loved, part of their lives, and special through their simple but loving words.

Like my friends, like those people that are still here, no matter what, like who sometimes writes me and who has never stopped thinking about me and the day I'll come back.

Like that person who went away and then came back, with a clear and sincere Sorry, making me understand how important I can be too.

Like who got my limits and respects them, being aware of what I think, knowing which will be my future actions and thoughts, especially because he's incredibly identical to me.

Thank you to you all, thank you for being here for me, to support and help, holding my hand and walking with me.

I love you.

Veronica